


Sick of Losing Soulmates

by acecereal



Category: The Queen's Gambit (TV)
Genre: Drama & Romance, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:28:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28931769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acecereal/pseuds/acecereal
Summary: “I can finally see you’re as f*cked up as me so how do we win?”- Sick of Losing Soulmates, Dodie
Relationships: Benny Watts/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9
Collections: With Benny





	Sick of Losing Soulmates

The first time Elle met the great Benny Watts was still clear in her mind. It was not a happy first meeting. Instead, it was a rather solemn one at an alley somewhere in New York City. She was just sixteen and so was he. Elle was lighting a cigarette between her thumb and index finger while sitting on the ground. She put the cigarette in her mouth, satisfied with the way it warmed her up on the cold December night. Suddenly, she heard footsteps coming next to her. Elle did not bother to look up from the ground. A part of her wished it was some criminal who would stab her to death. For some reason, dying sounded better to her than to be beaten up by her father every single day.

“That’s my spot.” The male stranger said as he stood right next to her. Smoke came out of her mouth before she spoke.

“I don’t think so.” For a moment, the stranger was silent and Elle hoped he would just leave her alone. Instead, he sat on the ground next to her and started drinking straight from a bottle of alcohol that he brought. She finally looked up from the ground and looked at the guy. The alleyway was poorly-lit but she could make out his facial features. He looked young, she thought, probably younger than her. How he managed to get an alcohol with that face, she had no idea and she figured it was better to mind her own business.

“Hm?” The stranger caught her staring and smiled very slightly. “Drinks?” He offered her the bottle of alcohol and she used her free hand to take it and took a sip of the bitter drink.

“Thanks.” She managed to say as she gave him back his drink. She brought out the box of cigarettes which she stole from her father from her pocket. “Smoke?” His smile grew wider as he took a cigarette.

“Thanks.” She used her lighter to light his cigarette as she smiled back at him. He put the alcohol bottle in between the two of them before he started smoking. “What’s your name?”

“Elle. And you?”

“Benny.” He said after letting the smoke pass in between his lips. “It’s dangerous around this area, especially at night. Criminals are lurking around, you know, so unless you want to die with a knife stabbing your heart, you shouldn’t come here alone” 

“Well, I can say the same to you.” 

There was a long pause before he spoke up.

“What if I do want to die?” 

This time, it was Elle’s turn to pause.

“The same applies to me.”

They didn’t say anything more after that, falling into a comfortable silence as they both smoked their cigarettes and alternately sip on the single bottle of alcohol that they had. They stayed like that until Elle had to come home and Benny silently bid her goodbye.

That was the first time it happened. Then, it turned into a weekly thing then into every other night. Elle would always bring the cigarettes and a lighter while Benny would always bring a single bottle of alcohol with him. They would mostly stay silent. They would talk about the weather or some recent news that irritated them but the conversations never got deep. Even after two years of their unarranged meetings, Elle could not consider Benny as anything more than a stranger.

When they both turned 18, the meetings stopped - rather, Elle stopped coming to the alley. She had no more reason to. She left home, away from her violent father. A part of her wondered if Benny still came even when she was not around. She wondered if he waited for her. They did not even exchange contacts. 

One night, she decided to visit the same alley but there was no sign of the other teenager. She let out a sigh. She figured he was in a better place too. Just like her, he probably escaped what he was trying to escape from every night and had no more reason to drink his sorrows out in the small alley. As she made her way back home that night, she started wondering if she would see him again.

\--------------------------

The next time Elle saw Benny was a year later in the cover of the Chess Review magazine. She smiled. He was doing better than she expected. She bought the magazine and read it after she arrived home. She wanted to meet him again and maybe, congratulate him too for being successful. She wondered if he still remembered her. She would, after all, never forget the boy who shared drinks and cigarettes with her.

She pursed her lips as she thought of going to watch one of his tournaments. She was not interested in chess at all so there really was no point in going aside from meeting an old friend. But then again, they barely knew each other and she didn’t want to go out of her way just to congratulate him. He probably already got congratulated a million times before. So, she decided not to go.

\--------------------------

It was a funny coincidence that the next time she saw Benny, he was on the ground in front of her house with cigarettes in between his fingers and a bottle of alcohol on his other hand. She just moved into that house the week earlier and she guessed that he was one of her new neighbors. She stared at Benny, who looked like he did not age a day despite years passing by. Except for his moustache, he looked exactly the same lost boy who she met when she was sixteen. She kept on staring for a while until she realized that he should not be getting drunk in front of her house.

“That’s my porch.” She stated and the drunk guy looked up from the ground. She waited for recognition in his eyes but it did not come. What was she expecting? It had been a decade.

“It’s my porch too. I live in the basement.” He explained and Elle raised an eyebrow. It was unexpected from her celebrity acquaintance to live in such an ‘unlivable’ apartment but she did not inquire about it.

“All right,” Elle said almost quietly as she sat on the ground as well, settling next to him. She grabbed the bottle of alcohol from his hand and started gulping it down. Benny just watched her without complaining. Once she finished all its content, she returned the bottle to him.

“You’re Elle” There was confusion in his tone and she simply shrugged. “I’m Benny, remember me?”

“How can I not? You look exactly the same as before. With the booze and the smoke, I almost thought I was a teenager back in that alley again.” She said with a dry chuckle. He did not reply and instead, continued smoking. “What are you doing outside anyway? Can’t you drink in your apartment?”

“I like looking at the stars.” She furrowed her eyebrows as she looked up at the sky only to see the dark clouds of the night. She could barely see the moon.

“Pretty.” She said dryly and he chuckled.

“Truth is I just came from the store and I could barely make it to the apartment when I got the urge to drink again. Thanks for emptying up the bottle, by the way. I would have passed out by now if I finished it by myself, given that I already drank more than enough.”

“You’re welcome. I think you should go home.” There was a long pause as he held her gaze.

“Can I see you again when I’m not drunk?”

“Of course.” She smiled at him. “We’re literally neighbors.”

He nodded silently and with that, he stood up and headed to his apartment.

\--------------------------

Elle was expecting him to visit in the morning but she did not see Benny until he came knocking at her door the next night. As she opened the door, her eyes immediately landed on the alcohol bottle in his hand and the box of cigarettes in the other. She looked up to meet his gaze and he smiled down at her.

“Do you always drink a lot?” was what she said instead of a greeting. She opened the door wider to let him inside.

“Yesterday was a special case. It was a friend’s birthday so I drank. I thought I wasn’t drunk enough so I drank more.” Without Elle’s invitation, he made himself comfortable by sitting on the couch. Elle sat next to him, unconsciously sitting a bit too close but neither of them minded.

“Then, what’s with the booze today?”

“I don’t know.” Benny smiled as he shrugged. “We just never interacted without the alcohol and the cigarette before.”

“Maybe, it’s time we start.” She did not know where she was coming from. They were strangers who bonded over their bad vices. If you take those away, what would be left between them? It was too late to take back what she said though. Benny nodded at her and he put the bottle and the cigarettes on her table. They both fell silent and both decided to break it at the same time.

“I’ve never--” She spoke up.

“So--” He started at the same time. There was a pause before Benny continued. “Go on.”

“Hm, I’ve never asked you this before but how are you doing?” At this, Benny let out a small chuckle. He silently held her gaze for a second too long before he looked down at the ground.

“Great, great. What about you? How are you doing?”

Elle recalled her current situation - how she just got divorced the month before. She decided to buy a house with the money she got and she had been working full time at some department store, a job she did not even like. She wondered if she should say those things - pour her heart out like she never did before. Instead, she answered, “Living the life”

“Great, are we just going to lie to each other all night or?” He met her gaze once again and she chuckled dryly. “Look, I want to be your friend. We don’t have to tell each other about our past or shit like that but I want to get to know you.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Where is this coming from?”

“From that boy you met years ago who wanted to get to know you but never got the courage to”

“What a coincidence. I also wanted to get to know you way before.”

“Is it too late now?” She shook her head as a response and they both smiled at each other. “That’s nice. So, how are you, really?”

“I’m not smoking in small alleyways, hoping to get stabbed by some criminal anymore, but life hasn’t really been great.” Then, she found herself speaking of what happened to her - things she never had the courage to tell anyone but with her current companion, she felt comfortable enough to share. Benny shared what was going on with him too - sincerity filled his expression like it never did before.

Elle was never one to believe in soulmates even when she fell in love with her ex-husband years ago. The thought of a strong connection with someone due to destiny just sounded ridiculous to her. Everything was caused by her actions and love and bonds, if it were to happen, would also be caused by her actions. However, that night, while sitting on her couch bonding with an old acquaintance, maybe she started to believe a little. After all, it was either all a funny coincidence how they ended up together in that alley years ago and reunited in their current neighborhood at the present with the same strong connection as before or destiny had something to do with it. She strongly believed it was the latter.


End file.
